Hva synst dere om sammendraget mitt?

[Equerm]

Jeg har skrevet et sammendrag av Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone. Luerer på om noen gidder å si noe de mener jeg bør forandre og kommentere skrivefeil o.l. Jeg ønsker all slags kritikk!

 

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Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone

 

I’ve read “Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone” the first book in the Harry Potter series. The book was written by Joanne Kathleen Rowling. She was born in 1965 in ”Forest Of Dean” in England. She is now 40 years old and has written a total of seven Harry Potter books.

 

This book is about a boy who is called Harry Potter. Harry’s parents died when he was only a baby and therefore he gets adopted by his aunt and uncle. They are his only relatives and he showed up at their doorstep with a note asking them to take care of him. His uncle and aunt are The Dursleys and they are a rather common family and really don’t like things that are uncommon. Harry is in fact a quite uncommon boy, he is a wizard. But the Dursleys are able to keep this as a secret to him for all these years. Until one day when Harry gets a letter, unfortunately before he is able to read it his uncle rips it out of his hands to find out what it is. The letters keep on coming in their mail, and even through the chimney. Harry’s uncle tries to get away from all the letters but even when they are on a small island the letter comes, this time by a big man who goes by the name “Hagrid”. This is the time it is revealed to Harry that he is in fact a wizard. His father was also a wizard and his mother was a witch, they were killed by a evil wizard called Lord Voldemort when they refused to join him in his attempt to take over the world, Harry although survived Voldemort’s attack. When Harry survived Voldemort’s attack Voldemort lost his powers. This happening makes Harry to become a very famous person in the magic world. The letters who Harry had been trying to get to Harry contained an invitation to attend to a school for wizards and witches called “Hogwart”. Hagrid takes Harry along to get his school equipment such as wand and a cauldron and other magic equipment, they also pay a visit to a bank where Harry finds out that his parents did leave him a great deal of gold. At the bank Hagrid picks up a small package that he refuses to tell Harry about. After the shopping and the bank visit Harry is left at a train station on his own to get to the school.

 

On the way he meets a boy called Ron Weasley, he is a frightened boy with short orange hair and his entire family is wizards and witches. He also meets a girl called Hermoine Granger she is a very strict girl and have already learned all their school books by heart. Hermoine and Ron becomes Harry’s best friends at the school. At the school Harry gets to learn a lot of new things about magic, and he finds out that he got skills that he didn’t even know about. He is actually a very good broomstick flyer, so therefore he becomes the only first years Quidditch player for over 100 years. Quidditch is sort of the famous sport in the magic world. The meaning about it is to get a flying ball through a hole. But Harry is set to be the “seeker” his job is to try and catch a small ball and if he gets it their team has won the match.

 

The school also has a secret. The package Hagrid got at the bank was a very special stone taken to the school for safekeeping. The stone is called a “Philosopher stone” it is an alchemical substance capable of prolonging life and turning anything into gold. Lord Voldemort seeks the stone, to use its life giving powers to restore himself to his former strength. He takes place in professor Quirrel the schools Defence Against Dark Arts teacher. Voldemort is able to get pass all the barriers set by the schools teachers, except the last one who is set by Dumbledore who is the schools headmaster and the only person Voldemort fears. Dumbledore is also a member of the magic council. The last barrier is “the Mirror of Erised”. The stone could only have been taken from the mirror by a person who wants the stone for itself, not for the powers it possesses. Harry, Hermoine and Ron follow Quirrel when he goes to get the stone. They are able to get pass all the barriers but the last one only Harry is able to pass because there is a flame who you can only go through of you drink a special potion and there is only enough for one person, and that person is destine to be Harry himself. Through the flame Harry faces Lord Voldemort who is melted into Quirrel’s back head. And again Harry is able to overcome lord Voldemort and keep the world safe from his powers.

Endret 9. mars 2005 av Equerm

[Armalite66]

Setningene/språket i sammendraget ditt er bygget dårlig opp. Fikk allerede etter første setning inntrykk av en dårlig stil. Du har mange gramatiske- og tegnsetting feil, spesielt manglende/feilplassert komma-tegn.

 

Tipper 2-4 i karakter, alt etter hvilket trinn du går på.

[Equerm]

Jeg leverte den i dag. Fikk brukt en times tid på skolen til å rette litt feil og slikt. Spurte læreren også så jeg tror den ble litt bedre. Jeg vet at en del av setningene er dårlig bygd opp, men jeg rettet litt på det også..

 

Går forresten GK allmenn

[glotón]

Syns ikke det var så ille, men det er helt klart noen ting du bør jobbe med.

 

Du bør lære deg forskjellen på relativpronomene i engelsk. I norsk har vi bare ett relativpronomen (selv om en del mener at selv ikke dette kan sies å være et ekte relativpronomen). I engelsk er det flere, og hvilken av de du skal bruke kommer an på korrelatet (antecedent). En annen ting å huske på når man skal velge relativpronomen er hva slags syntaktisk funksjon relativpronomenet får i den underorndnede setningen. Man må også skille mellom "nonrestrictive clauses" og restrictive clauses".

 

Men det virker som du i første omgang må lære deg forskjellen mellom "who" og "which". "Who" skal bare brukes når korrelatet er en person, derfor blir denne steningen feil:

 

The letters who Harry had been trying to get to Harry contained an invitation to attend to a school for wizards and witches called “Hogwart

 

Her skulle du ha skrevet: "The letters which Harry had (...)" siden "The letters" er korrelatet, dette korelatet er ingen person.

 

Samme type feil:

 

there is a flame who you can only go through of you drink a special potion

 

Edit: typo

Endret 11. mars 2005 av glotón

[Equerm]

Hmm, takk takk for kritikken. Jeg ser nå når du sier det at "who" og "which" var feil brukt. Læreren har faktisk sagt dette til meg før når jeg tenker meg om. Må ta å lære meg dette sjikkelig